my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
