I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
