Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
