And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
