i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
