Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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