Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
