he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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