why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
