This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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