Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
