highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
