I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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