well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
