im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
