Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
