The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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