Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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