I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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