fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
