I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
