Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just blew my weed a kiss
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
