He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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