No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
