God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
