I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
