I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
They have beer where we have blood.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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