I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
