You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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