she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
