Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
