Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
