We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
