man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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