the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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