Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
