So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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