did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
