his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
