Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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