Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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