i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize