she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
