I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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