Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
