i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
