I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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