Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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