Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
