my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We left the knife in your bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
