Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
