My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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