Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to fling myself into the sun
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
