I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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