they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
