i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
