coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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