I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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