So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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