I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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