Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.