in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
