I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
