I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
