considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
